Bowen

[Kyle]Once we were anchored in Bowen we were able to connect to the internet, and then set to completing the myriad of tasks ahead of us. Both Maryanne and my brother, Darren were brilliant in stepping up to the plate and digging into the work of sorting out Mom's estate. I was less helpful. I couldn't focus and I kept breaking down at all the many things that reminded me of her.

Maryanne plodded on and, in the way that she does, she did a mountain of work on mine and Darren's behalf. After a couple of days, I joined in. I've never before been involved in deconstructing somebody's life. It's fascinating, daunting and frustrating to have to reverse-engineer a person's entire financial history from a pile of receipts, bank statements and emails. It's a weird juxtaposition to be so intimately immersed in the records of her day-to-day life and have no way to actually talk to her about any of it. There were so many times when I wanted to say, “Mom, please explain this to me” or just as often, “Mom, what the hell were you thinking? Don't you know this is going to be a real headache for your heirs?” Maryanne's versions are the same, except she calls her Carla and does it in a cute accent.

Before either Maryanne or I were ready, we had a calm day between a bunch of windy ones. I realized that it would be our only chance to record our video eulogies without any background noise. It was tough. Neither of us had had a chance to really collect our thoughts, and the whole thing was so new and raw that we both had a hard time getting through it without blubbering. We felt guilty about the sunny Aussie background and both of us agreed that we didn't think we could have made it all of the way though our eulogies if we were standing in front of a crowd of other grieving people. It was a relief to go back to the distraction of digging through Mom's records.

In a strange way, going through all of Mom’s emails and unsubscribing from all of the junk that she got made me feel like she was still around. Even though I knew she was gone, I kept feeling like it was just one of those normal communication gaps where I would start to think it was time for a phone call and a catch up. It was a cold bucket of water in the face when we logged in to watch her funeral as it streamed live. These people sure are taking this prank pretty far.

This beautiful picture of Mom (taken by her great friend Robin on one of their many fun trips away) was the one we selected for the order of service

My brother Darren, who builds and plays guitars, started with a haunting instrumental piece that he wrote for her as he sat by her empty bed on his first night alone in her house; he called it "You're Never Gone". He explained that each note was supposed to represent a moment in the long song of her life. Then they played Maryanne’s and my video eulogies, looking so inappropriate in the Australian sunshine, except that we both looked so very sad. When the service finally ended, the video cut off and suddenly. Maryanne and I felt so far away. Family members were kind enough to set up a video call with us at the subsequent wake, where people could come over to chat with us for a bit. That helped a lot.

We took a day to reflect on Mom’s influence on our lives and then jumped back in with the giant stack of admin to complete. On one of our early calls with the estate’s lawyer, it became clear that he needed some notarized documents from me. This is easy in the U.S. – just pop into any old bank or a realtor and pay the $20 fee. Australia doesn’t have those kind of notaries and paperwork sent internationally requires a specially qualified attorney who will typically charge hundreds of dollars to witness a signature. Gulp!

Fortunately, one of the good things about the COVID era is that it is now acceptable to witness a signature over video link as long as all of the proper ID is shown, etc. The estate attorney said he would do it as part of his original fees.

That was great, but we still needed to courier him the original documents to make it all legal. Since the Australian Post Office is well known for being slower than walking (almost every Aussie uses private carriers), our best option was to use FedEx. The problem was that the nearest FedEx office was two hundred miles away in Mackay. Our fastest option for getting there was to sail three days to Airlie Beach, then rent a car and do the two-and-a-half-hour drive to Mackay from there. After a week at anchor, it looks like we’re going to start sailing again.

We tried to take time out to enjoy the sunsets but spent hours sat at the computer keeping in touch with everyone and trying to help from afar

We went ashore twice at Bowen - On both Sundays we were there - since there is a local farmers market near the anchorage and we figured we'd find some fresh food and grab a walk ashore to help stop mulling over the loss and pain, but to get away from the computer and practical chores, and reflect on the happy memories. Thankfully it's a beautiful place to enjoy such contemplative strolls.