Saturday, May 24, 2008

Poor Maryanne

[Kyle]This is what it is like to be Maryanne....

Our first morning in Quahog Bay I had a fit of industry and decided to clean the windows to better enjoy the view. Maryanne in her own fit of industry decided to ready the dinghy for a tour of the bay. The scene opens like this....

I hear a barely audible cute English sounding squeak. It says "help!". "Oh!" I think to myself, "Maryanne must need me to help her with the dinghy, I'll finish what I'm doing and get right there". One window later I hear another slightly more audible (but still weak) "Ummm Help!". "Yes dear", I say, "I'll be right there". I think to myself, "I'll go after this window". Half way through that window I hear "Help..... now". Exasperated, I say "OK, I'm on my way", and speed up finishing the window I was cleaning. Next I hear "A bit faster than that please!". "I KNOW!" I bark, "Gees" I think to myself, "I'm almost done, what is her problem?".

"I've actually fallen in the water... I'm not completely in, but I'm still quite a bit in the water". "yeah, yeah, yeah, I know - I said I'm coming".

"One of my legs is getting very numb, and I think something might be gnawing on it". "Alright already! I told you I'll be right there" - Darn, another smudge I have to attend to.

"Ummm, I'm feeling a bit lightheaded, and I think, I can see a light". "LOOK, I told you I'm on the way, I'm busy doing something, just wait!".

"My", I think to myself, "It says streak free on the bottle, but it really isn't is it?".

"Honey", comes a little voice, "should I go to the light?". "Whatever, I'm kind of busy right now".

This whole thing didn't actually happen, I got to the dinghy after "A bit faster than that please", and found Maryanne hanging face down, over the side of the dinghy with one leg in the water. I grabbed the dinghy with one hand, and Maryanne in the other and shoved her into the dinghy. She flopped over and looked at me and said "Where were you?".. "I was cleaning the windows, If you needed help, why didn't you scream HELP?".

It turns out that Maryanne has a little trouble with expression of surprise and alarm. On more than one occasion when sailing along, Maryanne will go inside the boat and let out a blood curdling scream. Expecting to find her come running up and telling me there is 2 feet of water inside, or something is on fire, I scream "What's wrong?" and she will say "I dropped a box of tissues and it almost hit my foot". Or she will come outside and look behind me and with an expression of complete horror scream "Holy Sh!t". I'll whirl around, expecting to see a ship about to run us down, and find nothing and say "What?, What's wrong?" She will say "your not wearing a hat - aren't your ears cold?".

So the problem is that she scares the cr*p out of me over nothing, and not when she should. She says "Well you're supposed to stay calm in an emergency". Poor wife.

[Maryanne]What actually happened here was I was stepping from the main boat into the dinghy, and found myself with a foot in each boat, quickly separating from each other. I dived for the dinghy, but didn't fully make it, and my balance was such I could not pull myself in to the dingy! Kyle and I are now working on a more urgent call for help!

Kyle has found this whole incident incredibly funny, and continues to crack up for a full 5 minutes whenever he even thinks about my call for help.


Anonymous said...

I agree Kyle, the world could be in toxic flames and she would say, "It's getting a bit warm alright."


Love ya'll.

kate said...

You know how people say "I laughed so hard I almost wet myself"? Well, that was true for me just reading this post - then I watched the video of Kyle reliving the experience and... I think a little pee came out.